turn and face the strange (ch-ch-changes)
While this song will forever make me immediately think of Shrek 2, these lyrics strike a new meaning for me now. It is Spring and the season of change!!! If you are anything like me, then you have a very strong love-hate relationship with change. On one hand, it is utterly terrifying. Anything new that I have little to no expectation for triggers my anxiety like nothing else. Whether it is not knowing what door to walk into in a building I have never been to or starting a new job, you can bet I am losing sleep over it the night before and feeling nauseous the morning of. On the other hand, change is something that greatly excites me. It is a new start; a blank page to start another “trial run” of your ideal life.
I recently attended my college graduation ceremony and all of these feelings are hitting me head-on. It is also very much reminding me of the feeling I had when graduating high school. There is a heartbreaking pain of leaving the friends and place you’ve known to be home for years. And there’s also a spark of eagerness to begin a new exciting chapter of life. Through these intense times, I have learned a few strategies that help me navigate these emotions, calm my anxiety, and help me feel prepared for the road ahead.
Plan Your “Trial Run”
I always heard the phrase, “Be who you want to be,” which sounds nice, right? And I am sure it is a great mantra for people who have always known who they want to be. For me, however, this phrase left me frustrated and without direction because there are about 50 different versions of myself that I would “want to be.” I want to be a boss a$$ businesswoman, living in a penthouse in the city making six figs a year. I also want to be a beachy yoga girl who lives in a tiny house on the beach in Hawaii who has no money but is happy as can be. I also want to be a cool artsy nature mom living in Colorado who cooks great meals and takes her 3 little kids on hikes every weekend. Therefore, trying to be the person I envision in my head can be challenging. However, I have found that change can be a great way to test out these various dream versions of B.
Each time I move or start something new, I like to schedule out my days. I am given a work or class schedule, but I dive deeper and try to imagine what my full days will really look like. For example, what will I do in my free time? I spend some time researching possible workout classes I could attend, how far the nearest hiking trail is and how cold it will be in the mornings/how hot in the afternoons, possible times to stop at the coffee shop, etc. Refer back to your list of motivational activities and see where you can fit them in between your work/class schedule. I also try to use this opportunity to try something new. This is where the “trial run” comes in. A change in your life can be a great time for a change in yourself. Therefore, I take the new opportunity of change to try something that aligns with one of these visions of “who I want to be”. Even if it is as simple as trying out a new style of clothes or wearing my hair a different way, doing something that makes me feel a bit more like this version of myself I have decided to try is something to get me excited about whatever life change I am experiencing. You could call them phases if you wanted, but I treat these trial runs as more of a strategy than a phase. When I find a hobby, style, passion, etc. that I love, it will stick with me into my next chapter in life, becoming a part of who I am. So, in the end, if I end up being an artsy mom who cooks great food, makes six figs a year, and lives in Hawaii, then that’s the B I was meant to be.
Fantasize Your Life Without Forgetting What You Have Learned
This tip is something I wish I knew when coming to college. I was fantastic at fantasizing my college life when I was a senior in high school. I pictured myself being in the best shape of my life, making the most amazing friends, studying hard and getting straight A’s, being the life of the party, dating cute guys, and possibly finding my future husband. I knew this was a fantasy and college would be hard, but hoping for the best was my way of dealing with the heartbreak of leaving home. This of course left me completely unprepared when I lost my 4-sport high school athlete body, my friends transferred schools, I was uninterested and therefore unmotivated in my classes, got sick with mono, switched my major, two canceled study abroad trips, two hard break-ups, school closed due to a pandemic, got sick with COVID, had a whole year of online classes- including student teaching elementary schoolers remotely, and had to learn how to cope with anxiety and depression. And while I did enjoy my little pity party I just had for myself, reflecting on all of these not-so-ideal events allows me to see how I could have better prepared myself, and how you and I can both be better prepared for the future bumps in the road.
Journaling- Although I am still trying to build this particular habit, I already know how helpful it can be in navigating difficult situations. Not only does journaling help take the edge off of intense emotions you are feeling in the moment, but it can also be used to help identify your patterns of behavior. If you are feeling a certain way that reminds you of how you felt about something in the past, you can reflect on what you wrote when going through it then, and see what could help you process and manage these emotions now.
Recognizing and giving credit to your past experiences- I had a very fortunate upbringing, and I knew this going into college. While this is a blessing and I would in no way want to take this for granted, it also made me feel like I did not know how to handle any hard situations. When I left home, I thought “How am I going to do this? I haven’t experienced any adversity!” Of course, I had experienced hardship and pain, I just did not give myself credit for it because I knew so many people did not have the same luxuries I did growing ups, such as a loving family and amazing friends, a roof over my head and a full belly going to sleep every night. I now know that it is important to credit your pain in order to handle it. Although someone’s life may seem so much harder than yours or even be harder than yours, it does not mean you do not have struggles of your own that you are allowed to feel just as hurt by. By thinking I hadn’t experienced hardship when going into college, I was in the mindset that whenever that “hard time” would eventually arise, I would crumble. It is important to know that you have gotten through hard times before, so you know you will be able to get through them again.
Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is create a change when you realize the life you fantasized about isn’t actually making you happy. For a while in high school, I dreamed about making the big bucks. My Pinterest was filled with big houses and expensive clothes. My friend even got me a toy Mercedes G-Wagon for my sixteenth birthday because it was my dream car. When I was admitted into the College of Business Honors program my freshman year of college, these visions seemed more and more attainable. This program could connect me with uber-successful alumni and help land me an amazing job. However, after taking business classes for a year and a half, I knew a career in this field was not something that could make me happy. In fact, I pretty much knew this after my very first semester, it just took me until after my third semester to finally make the change. And let’s just say, it was not an easy decision to make. It meant losing my membership in this prestigious program that took so much work to get into, losing my scholarship, canceling my scheduled semester abroad in Italy, and starting back at square one- being two semesters behind schedule to graduate. But the more I listened to myself and the worse I felt after walking out of MIS classes and cluster briefings (if you know you know), I knew a change needed to happen. Funny how even change that you plan for can be just as, if not more, overwhelming than an unexpected change. But now, I can’t imagine not pursuing a career in education. As cringy as it sounds, it simply feels right; like it’s exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life. And curiously enough, the big house and G-Wagon I wanted so bad for so long isn’t at all what I want anymore. My new fantasized life makes me so excited for the future I chose for myself and it feels like me. I just needed to know what wasn’t me to find out what was. So, when you feel like what you are doing isn’t for you, don’t keep doing it just because you started. Just like how it’s never too late to make a change to start something new, it’s never too late to stop doing something you have been just because “you’re in too deep.” Don’t keep yourself waiting to be happy with your life.
Other Tips for Handling Change Like a Pro
Pick up the phone- Talking to others is a great way to both prepare for the change that is about to happen, as well as cope with the effects of change after it has happened. For example, let’s say you are about to move to a new place. To prepare for this change, work on building a strong relationship with someone you will be interacting with after you move there. This could be a roommate, a future coworker, or even someone on a dating app. Feeling like you have someone you can talk to and/or hang out with even before you move to this new place can be very comforting, even if the relationship you start to build doesn’t end up lasting. On the other hand, moving to a new place doesn’t mean you lose everyone you knew before. Although you may not be able to talk to loved ones as often as you normally might, you could still text an old friend, or my personal favorite, facetime your parents. And yes, while some friends may fade, the magic of change is that you can find the ones that will stick while making new ones at the same time. So, ultimately, more friends to love!
Make your new space home- My favorite!! Maybe it’s just because I love decorating, but one of the most exciting parts about change is creating a space that feels like mine. I spend weeks Pinteresting room decor and watching room tours on YouTube, working on DIY projects, making trips to Marshalls and Home Goods, and sketching out the exact layout of my room. And while this heavily applies to moving, it doesn’t have to. If you are going through a breakup or starting a new job, you can redecorate your current space or create a cozy work desk. This will keep the excitement up and amplify the “freshness” of your fresh start.
Breathe- Although you may feel completely prepared for a change, you won’t be. Something will surprise you, and in the moment, you may have no idea how to handle it. That’s the thing about learning, you have to not know something in order to learn it. So when something happens and you have no idea what to do, just breathe. Know yourself, your values, and your resources. Although you may have no idea what to do, someone in the world does. You will figure it out eventually and you will get past it. Step one is the first thing you ever knew how to do: breathe. All the other steps can only happen after that.
If we didn’t all already know before 2020, we sure as heck know now that change is inevitable. At 22, I know I have experienced just a fraction of the changes I will go through during my life. I may look back on this post and think “boy, if only she knew.” But, in all honesty, I hope I do think that. Because with each new change comes a new and stronger B. So even if you hate redecorating, you will always have a stronger you to look forward to when it is all said and done with. Just do as Butterfly Boucher and Davie Bowie said, “Turn and face the strange.”
I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas on how to deal with change, and as always…
Stay Stoked,
B